My good friend Mark L., a stand up recovery comedian, talks a lot about how we think,…”first thought wrong”. He makes a clear distinction of a normal person’s thinking , and the rest of us. It is not that normal people are better, it just means “most”. Most people don’t think like us that are recovering from addiction. How I identify with others a lot of times, is how I have similar thoughts of life. What follows is a great example of how we think. Can anyone identify?

When I tell you I’m an addict, I tell you….

I’m an ego maniac with an inferiority complex, with low self esteem.

I judge my value by whom I’m with, or whom I know, or how much or how little I have, or what I can get you to believe about me, rather than what I believe about myself.

I don’t like to share anything unless its yours. My idea of friendship is to steal all your stuff, and then help you look for it.

I don’t understand any part of the word no, or wait. I want what I want, and I wanted it yesterday.

I have two emotions, homicidal and suicidal (good and bad). My two favorite days are yesterday and tomorrow, because I have a real hard time staying in today.

I’m a master of the complex, and overwhelmed by the simple.

I’m an emotional dyslexic. I do everything backwards. I can hide in a crowd, I can hide in plain sight, alone in a crowd. I say what I don’t mean, and mean what I don’t say. I seek material answers to spiritual questions. I will show you, by killing me.

I have a disease that talks to me in my own voice. Tells me I’m terminally unique, and that I’m not like anybody else

I think I have diplomatic immunity from the laws of the land. The words “wait to be seated, handicap parking, express line 10 items or less, take only as directed, do not mix with alcohol”, don’t apply to me!!

Pain is my greatest teacher, I can’t take any ones word for anything. I still have to touch the stove to see if it’s hot. I have to touch the paint to see if it’s wet. I have to open the door to see why it is closed. I have to pee on the electric fence to see if it’s really electric. Then I want you to feel sorry for me when I find out that it is. I’m a victim by choice.

When I’m alone, I’m in dangerous company. I think the price is the prize, that I confuse powerless with permission. My yets become my agains.

I have been in neighborhoods where angels wouldn’t go, but the most scariest place I have walked is this place between my ears.

I tell you I have a secret,—- that secret!! That taking a drug would make it all better. I was the last one to find out, and everybody else already knew.

I can tell you all that stuff, and haven’t had to explain one bit of it. No explaination necessary. I don’t have to explain: DESPAIR, HOPELESSNESS, BEING BROKEN, FEELING FORESAKEN BOUND FOR HELL.

When I tell you I’m an addict, you just know!!!————–Anonymous

Love and Respect, Bruce M.

Tags: addiction, principles

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