“Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”

Step four is often looked upon as one of the more painful steps. It requires a high degree of honesty with ourselves and a fair amount of introspection. (more…)

“Came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. “First I ask, do I believe that there is a power greater than I am? This is a big step for the alcoholic/addict as we have always been our own higher power. Who needs a higher power when I am in control? The problem is that I have only an imaginary sense of control. It’s not actual control and if it was or is, then why do I feel so out of control? My being in control and attempting to manage my own addiction got me to the place I’m in. That’s a pretty good indication that I’m not doing very well in managing my life. (more…)

“Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of god, as I understand him/her.”

When I consider the depth and the amount of work involved in this step it seems overwhelming.  So I break it down. 

I start with this.  Made a decision to turn this one thing in my life that’s causing me trouble, over to the care of god as I understand him/her. 

But that presents another problem.  What’s god?  And how do I understand him/her?  What does that mean?

First, list all the things you think God is.  Use your training from parents, church, Sunday school, and so on. Define your belief system and ask, “what do I really think God is?”

After you have developed this list ask yourself if you’re willing to set these beliefs aside.  Just for awhile so that you may consider other possibilities. 

If you are able, suspend your beliefs for a moment and ask in your heart, “what is God?”  Now feel the answer.  Don’t allow your mind to interfere.  Don’t produce an intellectual response.  Let this answer come from the depths of your being.  Your soul, your inner self, your spirit.  Whatever you want to call it.  It doesn’t matter the name; it’s all the same place.

Now examine what comes to you.  What were you taught and how does this contrast with what you think?

This is the difference between intellectual thinking, and inner knowing.  There is much that I believe because I think it to be true.  But much truth remains undiscovered within me that I must access through my heart, not my mind. I think, “you make me mad.” I feel, “angry.”

Notice that the thinking example contains an element of blame and finger pointing that would make the person hearing it defensive. 

The feeling example is simply a statement of fact. “I feel _____”. that’s it. It’s not up for debate.  It is not to be judged.  It just is. But what it is not, is blaming. It does not cause the person that is hearing it to want to defend. They simply become interested in what you are angry about, and they ask.  

Maintain a blame free posture. Use only I statements like “I feel _____.” not you statements like, “you make me _____.” 

Another element of this is someone can’t make me feel anything.  I may choose to become angry, or sad, or glad, or whatever because of what you said, but someone did not make me feel it. 

On the top half of a page list ten examples of what I believe to be true about my particular situation or problem.  Then on the bottom of the page list the corresponding responses from the perspective of “how do I feel” not what do I think.

Now make a detailed list of five things in my life i need to turn over to the care of God “as I understand him.”